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House Rules. A Memoir by Rachel Sontag
Published by Doubleday Canada, 2008
Reviewed by Roger Gordon
First-time author Rachel Sontag chronicles her upbringing in a Jewish, upper-middle class home in suburban U.S.A. Her father was a well-respected physician; her mother a social worker. But her father had a dark side to his character. While outwardly engaging and friendly to those outside of his immediate family circle, he ruled the roost within it. Domineering, obsessive, cruel, manipulative are all adjectives that fit the shoes worn by Dr. Stephan Sontag as he exercized total control over his two daughters, Rachel and Jenny, and his wife Ellen. As the least compliant and submissive female member of the household, Rachel bore more than her fair (if “fair” can ever be used in this context) share of “Dad’s” maltreatment.
The abuses were rarely of a physical nature; almost always of the psychological and humiliating kind. For example, the stereo dial was duct taped to insure that family members only listened to National Public Radio; the girls’ fingernails and hair length were monitored; shower times carefully regulated; and phone usage restricted. Just to ensure that nothing was overlooked, dear old Dad drew up a contract: a set of house rules. After his wife and daughters had signed it, it was photocopied, laminated, and posted around the home. Dad thought nothing of embarassing his beloveds, creating scenes in front of strangers or Rachel’s friends over relatively trivial matters. Even the school guidance counsellor was kept up to date on Rachel’s misdeeds by Dad. The latter strategy backfired, as he underestimated the counsellor’s astuteness. Mom took the familiar path of least resistance, often promising to Rachel that she would divorce Dad, but never following through on it. Rachel felt she acquiesced too readily to Dad’s life-long power-trip and as such was just as culpable. In one particularly shocking episode, Mom filed the divorce papers, then joined forces with dad to blame Rachel for it. The account of Rachel being forced to write the word “scum” on a piece of paper was most heart-rending.
This is a story of a child’s survival, where the term “dysfunctional” hardly does justice to her home setting. It is also a story of courage, as the child refuses to accept the injustice perpetrated upon her by a father who has all the attributes of someone with serious psychiatric and/or personality issues. Yet, Rachel Sontag displays qualities of character that are astounding. Despite the pain and suffering inflicted upon her by her parents, she never seemed to totally give up on them. Is blood really thicker than water? Sontag writes with sensitivity, yet in a measured way about her unfortunate upbringing. Her memoir will touch the souls of many people who do not have a “Brady Bunch” experience to fall back upon, and will stretch the consciousness of those who have been more fortunate. It is a truly superb piece of work.
For more information on House Rules, please visit the publisher's website.
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