Menopause: Still in the Closet
By Elizabeth Roach
"I’m still hot, only now it comes in flashes"
An Uncertain Time
I was in my late forties when I first began experiencing what I would soon learn to be perimenopause--the phase before menopause actually takes place. In perimenopause, ovarian hormone production fluctuates, causing a host of symptoms. I had no sweet clue as to what was wrong with me. My periods were as regular as rain; however, my body was doing all sorts of other things I couldn’t explain. Forgetfulness was the big one, with insomnia coming in a close second, along with mood swings, heart palpitations, and my all-time favorite, night sweats. However, because I still had my periods and was not having the dreaded hot flashes during the day, I figured I was just losing my mind. There were several strong indicators that I was indeed in perimenopause, but with my limited knowledge I did not recognize them. After all, what woman tries to find out in advance what she is in for? Not me—like an ostrich, I stuck my head in the sand, determined to deal with it when IT came. Not wise!
My journey into menopause was becoming a time of uncertainty, confusion, frustration, and not to mention an emotional rollercoaster. Reflecting back to my earlier years, and in particular my upbringing, helped me to realize a lot of these things could be explained.
I was raised in a strict Catholic home. As the youngest of five children, I was shielded from a lot. Topics like menstrual periods, sex, pregnancy, and, menopause were just not discussed. My three sisters didn’t tell me much, thinking that it was Mom’s job to educate me, and Mom thought the older girls would tell me all about the facts of life. So, I wasn’t getting information at home. Sex Education in schools of the early 1960s entailed a short video on the female and male anatomies and the changes that take place in puberty. I was given a little pamphlet and presto—I was prepared for the big day, prepared for my first period. It is no wonder menopause is “still in the closet,” especially for the baby boomers, as it remains a topic that nobody wants to discuss. I have discovered that my age group appear reluctant to discuss menopause and in some instances are in some sort of denial. Why is this so? Ignoring it does not stall or halt the inevitable. I say we chat it up—do not be afraid to acknowledge it; laugh about it (when you can); and don’t make the mistake of thinking or fearing that you will experience all the effects of menopause. Research claims that women usually experience the same menopause effects as their mother.
Enlightenment
My first piece of reliable information came from Oprah, when on one of her shows, I was introduced to Dr. Christine Northrup and her book The Wisdom of Menopause. Dr. Northrup gave a witty, entertaining synopsis of a woman beginning the menopause journey. I was intrigued; it was the first time I heard my symptoms being talked about so openly, and on TV! I was so relieved that I wasn’t losing my mind! After dropping numerous hints, my children bought me Dr. Northrup’s book for my birthday. A mere few chapters of reading marked the beginning of my enlightenment. Only then did I make a conscious decision to be patient with myself, and to approach my situation with a positive attitude because things could possibly get ugly. I started taking daily supplements of calcium because I was witnessing first hand how debilitating osteoporosis can be. My mother lived a full life and enjoyed excellent health; however, she passed away at 92 and suffered needlessly during the last few years of her life as a result of osteoporosis.
Menopause or Hysteria?
Every woman will experience menopause, some sooner than others, and duration of symptoms will vary as well as the level of severity. Bottom line: if you haven’t entered this phase of your life, you cannot predict how your body will behave. No wonder Freud labeled this phase as “hysteria”--he wasn’t far off! When my period abruptly stopped, my first reaction was to celebrate its absence. But alas --although I haven’t personally experienced every symptom yet, I understand with the departure of this monthly “curse” also comes the departure of those wonderful hormones that keep your skin healthy, glowing, and taut; your heart beating a steady healthy rhythm; your bones straight and strong; your hair thick and lustrous; and your sex drive, well . . . alive. As well, trying to function on four hours of sleep poses its own set of challenges for me. As a result, my patience can wear thin; ‘one nerve left and you’re standing on it’ syndrome will sometimes cause sudden outbursts from me that take others by surprise.
The TV commercial depicting a woman coming out of her house in the dead of winter, stomping through a snow bank and blowing snow off the air conditioner is a wonderful illustration of my current state. Someone once said, “If you didn’t get it, then you’re not there yet.” This is true.
Hot flashes—they don’t sound that bad right? Well, I don’t know where that label came from, but I would like to describe it as blood boiling or what one would expect spontaneous combustion would feel like! After almost two years into full-blown menopause, I’m still trying desperately to let my body look after what should be a “normal” process. Are hot flashes, sleep deprivation, adult acne (or what a dermatologist has determined to be rosacea), mood swings, and attempts to control the insatiable urge to “tell it like it is” normal things? And what is the alternative? Does one take hormone replacement therapy and risk breast cancer, heart attack, stroke, blood clots, and Alzheimer’s disease?
Of all the symptoms I have previously mentioned, one of my personal favorites is forgetfulness! I love this one! Brain cells are misfiring and panic sets in when an innocent comment like “I told you about this” is directed at you. Short term memory goes south on vacation, but I can remember what I wore on a date back in the 1970s--now that’s important! As a woman working full time, I find all sorts of ways to compensate for forgetting. I’ve found lists (in my own handwriting) at the bottom of my purse that I don’t seem to remember making. Another favorite is coming across all the great sale purchases I made the previous year after Christmas. The only rotten thing is that I find them AFTER I bought all new Christmas cards, wrap, bows, ribbons, and bags at full price THIS year! So my only defense is to plead with everyone that I can’t be held responsible for remembering anything that isn’t in my Blackberry calendar.
Are women today so geared to “doing it all” that, in menopause, we feel we have failed in some way if we can’t? We need to forgive ourselves whenever we forget something. Being less self-critical may be one of the hardest things today’s woman can do.
Surviving Menopause
Even with all the ups and downs of this period in my life, I never underestimate the importance of support from my spouse, my family, children, siblings, friends, and co-workers. If the people most important to me do not understand or are not made aware, then they can’t help me. Communicate, communicate, and communicate!!
Support doesn’t need to be big things nor does it need to get complicated. In my house, in the dead of winter, our bedroom ceiling fan is continuously going. One evening, I even dared to take it to another level and opened the door from our bedroom to the patio . . . wide open. Just for a few minutes. I thought my husband would be none the wiser. However, do you remember that neat menopausal thing called rotten short term memory? As bedtime approached, my husband stuck his head out of our bedroom and quietly asked, "Can I close this patio door now?"
My advice, for what it is worth, is to look after YOU. Exercise, get necessary and vital rest, take calcium supplements, and above all be patient with yourself and others (yourself first and others if you can). And to the husbands, partners, parents, children, friends, and colleagues, please be patient with the menopausal woman in your life. Think of it as "God hasn’t finished with her yet!"
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