The Superwoman: Who is she?
The Superwoman: Who is She?
Alaina Roach O’Keefe
The Superwoman: a professional woman, a friend, a lover, a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, an athlete, an artist, who desires to be feminine and while doing so, she ends up “the superwoman.”
Feminist Media Scholar Susan Douglas suggests that women currently receive profoundly contradictory messages about what constitutes “ideal femininity,” and how “ideal femininity” should be achieved. It appears that women have to “cobble together with some compromise” the ‘beautiful’ and the ‘assertive’ to conform to today’s supposed ‘ideal woman’, and ‘catch a guy’.
Research suggests that beauty, long hair, and a slender, yet voluptuous, body are central to ideal femininity, while magazines, entertainment television, and movies suggest that not only does one have to possess the physical characteristics, but she must also be a good mother, have a successful career, have a husband, and be able to “get her body back” after childbirth.
Ideas of “ideal” femininity therefore communicate particular attributes and behaviors and start to become central to women’s identities. Such attributes are thinness, beauty, “niceness,” and a committed romantic relationship with a man. Each of these ideals were briefly examined in research that I conducted in 2003, and I have observed and experienced the social pressure of this myself.
The results of my research demonstrated that women attempt to succeed as a woman in today’s world, while becoming “superwoman”: a woman who can do it all and become successful professionally, while maintaining home life, romantic relationships, friends, and of course, her physical appearance. Is this morally right? How do women deal with these pressures in the 21st century?
The Pressure to Become Superwoman...or Not
In 2002, I began a mission to attain a healthy body weight, according to doctor’s orders. Heart disease runs in my family, and I was close to 40 pounds overweight. I began to lose the weight – slowly, but surely. The positive reinforcement that I received was astronomical: my financé was supportive, and my family was encouraging. Then something strange also happened. I received negative comments from various friends: “You should be careful not to lose too much weight”; “you don’t want to look anorexic.”
I began to realize that society really does reward those who conform, but I also felt as though I was being treated a little bit like a child when people were “monitoring” my behavior. Were they jealous? I wasn’t sure. I felt as though I could keep myself healthy, and I consider myself pretty strong in the confidence department, and didn’t think I was at risk of developing an eating disorder (not that one can simply “develop an eating disorder...but that’s another article). Sometimes we read comments in ways that are different to what were meant.
Recently a friend of mine got married. She looked absolutely stunning – more beautiful than I have ever seen her. A friend approached the bride to give “good wishes” and that was it. No, “you look nice/beautiful/pretty.” Instead, she commented that the bride looked different from what she usually did. The bride considered her a friend at the time; however, this “friend” appeared to be so jealous of the bride that it was nearly impossible for her to deliver a compliment. Is this jealousy? Women should be supporting and celebrating each other, but instead, we often get caught up in the entertainment world and society of “cattiness” and low self-esteem, cutting other women’s self esteem down to boost their own.
The Result of Superwoman-hood
Unfortunately, while women struggle with these pressures of our society today, attempting to succeed in the workplace, they may sacrifice their home life. They attempt to create the ideal home life for their families, but worry about the risk of losing contact with so many of their professional relationships that were built before the children and husband came along. Some attempt to maintain a healthy lifestyle, nourish their inner artist, but as a result they may spend less time with a cherished friend. How does a woman create the balance between these lives, and attain superwoman-hood?
Is this search of “ideal femininity” the catalyst of the superwoman? The pressure to be the professional woman, friend, lover, mother, wife, sister, daughter, athlete, and artist exists. We have acknowledged this profile. However, we must discuss and celebrate women who live with the pressure, negotiate with it, perhaps even succumb to the pressure, while maintaining integrity, pride in themselves, and nevertheless end up contributing to a world in which wonderful things can be created and accomplished.
On a more informal note, these “superwomen” walk amongst us, doing the very things I have mentioned. They are not just the famous women who are good-will ambassadors, feeding the poor in Africa, doling out millions of dollars to people in need while raising families, marrying famous men and women, having children and looking fabulous on the red carpet. No doubt, there are famous women doing great things. However, there are wonderful women in our own communities who make a difference as well. They are strong and smart. They have wonderful support networks. Their friends, lovers, husbands understand; they are experiencing the same difficulties and triumphs in their lives - And they talk about it! They are determined to be the best people they can be. They support women.
The superwoman is so many women that we know: she is the woman who struggles, but gets up every day and loves life. She is the successful, professional woman who works 60 hour weeks. She is also the successful mother: the woman who has the only job in the world where the salary sucks, and the overtime is non-negotiable, but where the payoff is spectacular.
The superwoman can be any and every woman. We all have women who we idealize, or model ourselves after. Some are created by power in our society, and some are created in the privacy of our own homes, by the people in our lives. Many women serve as inspiration to others. We meet many of them in different times in our existence and they all serve to influence us. Some may say to ignore the pressure of “superwoman,” but I have seen brilliant women accomplish astonishing advances for our world because of the “superwoman” effect, because they wanted to “do it all,” and “be all they could be.” There is a difference in succumbing to societal pressures, and taking the high road and exceeding one’s own limits to achieve something spectacular.
Again, I ask: what does it mean to be superwoman? You define it. Finally, I propose we celebrate “the superwoman.” My mother is my superwoman. She is a woman of great balance, and for that I have an astronomical amount of respect and love. I wrote her this letter, a year and a half ago attempting to describe this to her.
Alaina's letter to her mother.
